The Unmoved Chairs

Do you remember the rainy days at school?
Empty classroom, chairs in disorder
No matter how many years pass
I still remember

It's a white noise, pills take control
Soul altering, knots in my stomach
The obligation to love your abuser
Because you were under their protection

"This will all be over soon, honey"

No one believes me
She touched me
No one called for help

They don't believe me because you're a girl
Its like you planned it
I don't wanna watch those videos
Leave your hands off me
They say that girls don't do that

You made me unlovable
"If you tell mom, I'll do it again"

Everyone was watching
"She was off her med"
So it "doesn't count"
Today is your birthday whore
More of a fucking cunt

It's all my fault, I'm never safe
Iron scent into my veins
I'm destroying myself
So you can't touch me ever again

And when you'll see, nothing is left of me to destroy
Hope you remember that I was just a boy

Only 23, but half my life is spent
Dissociation, forced interpretation
Time neglects any attempt at slow progression
I won't ever be clean, I've been dirtied
Now they act like nothing happened

I trusted them, but they never believed me
They all justify, legitimize
And now I'm here, reflecting
How was a disabled child attractive?

The same floor holds the same chairs
Why did they close the door?
Now all I know is how to be hurt
I just want to be allowed
To be angry about what she did to me

"If I were you
I'd wanna kill myself too"