The Left Side of the Throat

I've been living on my knees
With everyone but myself and a world to please
Some of us never left that place
The world turned into our personal Silent Hill over the years
Depression never leaves, it just shape its form
'Cause there's nothing more to live than being hurt
Deserts at night, the enemy at home
Her eyes were green, I always lose

Addicted to saying sorry
And in love with not being enough
Sexual tension between a gun and my mouth
This tree needs a 150 km/h hug
How much of you is you, without your obsession
You're an ouroboros in its purest form
Maybe that's why you never killed yourself
Like you said a million times you would
Summer ghosts in motion, absent of consent

Does it make you feel like you have something to feel guilty about?
I'm sure you'll blame everything on a mental disorder
A stain on yourself, leaving pain in your path
Narcissistic tendencies flow through everything
And your conscience just points and laughs
So obsessed with being seen
No matter what it means

You never apologized for doing the things you did to me
You only blamed me for how I reacted
This nightmare is slowly becoming my life
The only thing that I'll be leaving behind
Will be the key to the gates of my mind

It's too late, I don't need any help
You cutted the tree where I wanted to hang myself
Just to feel better about yourself
The fog has fallen, it's just me inside my head
So I beg, beg for a chance in a circle of snakes
I breathe onto the mirror, I can't see my breath
The lights are on but there's no-one home, there's no one left

A heart welted in shades of blue
It’s still never enough for you
No fucking excuse
The endless days of abuse
Have me so used to being used

Everything I've loved, I've loved it alone
Bring a body bag
No use for a name
Just a code 10-56

Every cry for help was a goddamn death wish
For too long I've pushed death aside
But maybe I should give suicide another try